The Queen’s Speech


One is regretful that one cannot be with one’s subjects this year but the arrival of storm Barbara in Grecondom has sadly detained one here on foreign shores. Nevertheless, one was happy to reschedule one’s waterskiing in order to make this address and to review the performance of Grecons across one’s queendom.

The year did not start well. The attempt on one’s life shook one to the core. However, with much rest and recuperation one has now fully recovered from one’s ordeal. The treasonous miscreant is, of course, safely unwound in one’s Tower and brave Rabbie McSturdy has been honoured with a Grecon Cross for his act of heroism in saving one’s life.  Many will know too that Rabbie has also been tasked with launching G.A.S.P – one’s Grecon Armed Service Personnel initiative and I am pleased to announce that Agar Hall in Grecondale will be opening its doors as a day centre to all retired service personnel on the first of February this coming year and that one will personally attend the ceremony.

And now one must turn to the very grave matter of Grecon immorality. This time last year one made a heartfelt appeal to ones subjects to amend their wicked ways.  It seems, however, that in many cases one’s words fell on deaf ears.  Most distressingly, one continues to receive reports of infidelity, insobriety, immorality, thieving and materialism and in addition, this year, one has heard too of blackmail, child abduction and slavery within one’s land.

I have no doubt that a plague of moths looms large and in an attempt to persuade you all to amend your ways and thereby keep it at bay, one wishes this year to hold up one particular Grecon as an excellent example of how all might be saved. If Lady Marianne Chutney of Greconville can overcome great personal sorrow and amend her wanton, hedonistic ways; selflessly adopting orphan children and becoming a paragon of wifely virtue then there is surely hope for all one’s subjects. One implores you all to take heed.

Peace and goodwill to all Grecons and may your ‘Human Beans’ be kind, hardworking and cooperative.

© 2016 – 2017, Zoe. All rights reserved.